My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
