his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
