We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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