In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
