now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
