glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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