i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
