why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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