I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
