the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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