I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
