I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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