i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
