Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We got so high we made milksteak
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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