so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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