new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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