I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
