Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
