Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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