everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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