I wish I could teleport
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
