YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
