Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i would punch a child for taco bell
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You need a sexual gate keeper
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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