EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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