And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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