yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
