porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
