Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
