Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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