im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
