Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am available for nakedness
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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