i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
