I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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