a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
