The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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