i just wanna soil my oats bro
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize