I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
