I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
