Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
