exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can't turn off my feet"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
