her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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