fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
