I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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