dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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