Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
