Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
do herpes really smell.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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