Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
