Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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