i think i have two assholes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
