I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
