Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
