You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
