we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
