would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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