I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if only i could text you this smell
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
