Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
