So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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