I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
