flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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