Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
