Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize