if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
