i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
