brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
