i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
