Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
