Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
