I just cut my nipple shaving
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
