My liver just broke up with me...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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