my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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